The trainers now have their own voices

These letters began as letters from a two month old Alice to keep family up to date on our trip to Australia. They amused us and it was fun to write, but it became increasingly harder as they kids trainers found their own voices. So, like many parts of life that have a beginning, this too will have an end.

 Not this blog, just the imaging the voices of the kids. They can speak themselves.

Recovered Giant Artifact #71 - Reference letter

Item: Typed on formal letterhead
Recovery date: 2018-03-16
Analysis: Reference letter for a request for new begetters

It has recently come to our attention that Alice is seeking a change in parents. In order to aid in the selection process we have offered to compose this letter.

Alice is a bright and imaginative young girl. If you needed a death maze designed she would be a valuable asset. She knows exactly what she wants, even if it doesn’t align with your plans or reality. She would be a good match for a hearing impaired family. The ideal home would be on a tropical island, likely in a skull shaped volcano fortress. She enjoys swimming so no shark or piranha infested waters.

We love her very much, but respect her decision to seek out new parents. We expect great things from her in whatever field she chooses to work in whether it is teaching, medicine, or (most likely) the pursuit of world domination. We know one day when she fires her death / freeze / sunscreen-destroying ray gun at the screaming populace, it will be with love. The love of everyone bending to her will as she rules with an iron fist.

In conclusion we wish Alice all the best as she seeks new parents and we hope that they will be able to love her as much as we do.

From The Council: 2016 in review

Greetings all.

We, the Normal Sized People (Alice, Isaac, and now Lucy), are writing you this holiday season to wish you good cheer and to provide a basic review of the last year since The Giants have failed to do so. Again.

The year started out as so many of them do - with a multi-month basement renovation. We now enjoy our playtime down there and The Fuzzy Giant hardly ever hits his head on the ceiling anymore. There is also a shower in the basement bathroom which allows Alice and Isaac to clean themselves with our loudest singing and minimal interference from The Giants.

The rest of the winter progressed with the usual Lego activities, laundry basket spaceships, and indoor and outside adventures. As time has gone on, we've come to the realization that we're not adversaries. Our true challenge is The Giants so we work together to thwart their plans, be it going shopping or having a good night's rest. One of the strategies we used for this last winter is to ensure at least 1 person (ideally 2-3) were sick the whole time. This is why the 2015 Christmas photos were taken at the end of March 2016.

Christmas tantrums are traditional

Around this time The Giants informed us that our numbers would grow again. We took this news with mixed feelings. We were both happy to finally outnumber them, but concerned that The Giants would have less time to devote to our every whim.

The Giants took us to British Columbia in May and we traveled to Victoria, Salt Spring Island, and Vancouver. We had a great time visiting Auntie Debbie and Uncle Jeff, exploring many different types of parks, and finding a mini train that we could ride in Stanley Park.

Isaac found Auntie Debbie and Uncle Jeff's company uplifting.

Back in Ottawa, we explored the Tulip Festival as usual. However we were most displeased by how The Giants left us in a tree and wandered off while mumbling something about fudge or Beavertails.

Being left in a tree will be reflected in their review

Here we are forced to have our picture taken in front of "the wedding tree".
Fortunately they did not leave us sitting in this tree.

Here Alice is instructing Isaac on exactly where to leave the things on the floor so The Giants will step on them.

Summer came, and with it Alice's time in Junior Kindergarten came to an end. The Giants needed another staff to fulfill my needs and desires. They found space at the same "care of day" where Isaac had been spending his time with other like-sized people. With the Transitway closed to buses, and a desire to avoid driving 45 minutes for 8 km, The Fuzzy Giant found an alternative way to transport us. We have learned that when we are moving it is best to sing "Sunny day" from Sesame Street as loud as we can.

Isaac would often let The Fuzzy Giant "hold" the steering device so he could feel important.

One thing that we have learned over our long years is that The Giants like to take pictures. Sometimes they even get other people to take pictures of us as a group. This is foolhardy because clearly The Giants are superfluous and not needed in the frame.

There are two too many people in this picture

This is clearly the correct number of people for the photo

In mid-August we met our newest recruit, Lucy. We both were a little bit disappointed that she didn't have a rocket launcher arm, laser eye, or the ability to fly, but we soon got over it. Except for the flying thing. We both grew enamoured and would often fight over who would get to hold her on a pillow. The Fuzzy Giant started to go to work less. On non-working days he would get up at Isaac-rise and whoever was awake would go to the park together and watch the sunrise. This allowed The Food Giant to get a bit of sleep with Lucy.

Neither of us could find the laser eye

Lucy with her softest sidekicks

Around this time Alice was due to go to Senior Kindergarten and Isaac started Playschool. It has been a daily struggle for Isaac to see the school bus yet not be allowed to ride on it. Alice has the same teacher as last year, which has worked out well because he understands her penchant for being fancy. He is one of the Giantest Giants, so The Fuzzy Giant literally looks up to him by 5". However, everyone is at the same level on what The Fuzzy Giant refers to "tiny chairs" in the classroom.

The Giants think we are wearing backpacks, but we know them as utility bags. Grappling hook optional.

It is always important to properly size the baby thought translator headband

Some of you might have seen us from the 417 off ramp.
Don't worry, this totally not for a weather controlling machine to be used for world domination. Not at all.

The Fuzzy Giant finally decided to share some of his Lego. We're happy with his social progress.  It also allows us the opportunity to work on prototypes for our space travel plans following world domination.

In order to roam far and wide, Isaac started to practice using a tricycle. He quickly became frustrated and kept on "borrowing" the neighbour's bike. The Giants determined after a month of peddling on the tricycle, it was time to graduate to a proper Big Kid bike. A Star Wars bike. Now we are able to move short distances at great speed. Only the wind and a Giant on a scooter can catch us.

We have formed the local bike gang

As the weather grew colder, we prepared ourselves. This was done at a pumpkin place where they have tiny novelty trains. As one does.

All aboard. Well, three of of five aboard!

Lucy looks distracted because she's trying to fish The Giant's car keys out of her pocket without her noticing

You would be surprised too if one day you discovered that you were a lion

Pumpkins are always shocking. Especially if you sit on them accidentally

Isaac has been studying in the art of Alicestry, that is doing everything that an Alice can do. Well, except for operating the weather control machine.

Teaching the martial art of ballet

After we practice monologuing, we then work on our maniacal laughter

Lucy wearing The Hat. We all had to take turns wearing it

We discuss it before hand to make sure that only 2/3 of us are looking at the camera at any one time.
Enough not to have a perfect picture and it gives The Giants hope that they will take a perfect photo.

Great family portraits come at a great cost.

We solemnly swear that we are up to no good.

We wish you and yours a happy 2017 and there is no need for you to worry that we will enact our plan of world domination. No need at all.

Love from the Land of The Giants
Alice, Isaac, and Lucy

The Chronicle of Isaac - A Song For The Ages

Greeting friends!

Every time I cross paths with another traveler I like to exchange pleasantries with them. I do this because I want them to know that they are not alone in this world and we all have to care for our Giants. I commanded the Fuzzy Giant to transcribe one of my greetings so that it could be later turned into a ballad or epic poem. Here is a sample:

I have a new bike. [pause] It is a Star Wars bike, it is orange, Alice has a Maleficent bike, it is purple, I can go really fast in the road if I'm careful and it is safe because my daddy or mommy is there and I go ZOOOOOMMMM! really really fast, and I want a Thomas [the train] cake and it will be on an airplane and I will go pee on the airplane and HA HA HA and then the Thomas train on plane will go SWOOSH and then land on the water and then I will jump BLAM BLAM BLAM and then a basket ball and hockey soccer and then shoot and I go YAY ISAAC! and then baby you-cee (Lucy) will go waaaah! [mimes rubbing eyes] and then mommy will pick her up and then I say NO DADDY NURSE YOU-CEE and then I get mommy cuddles and we go on airplane very far away to yeg-oh yand (Lego land) and then I go in airplane really really high UP! and then go pee on the airplane and daddy goes "No!" and HAHAHAHA and then I go on my new bike and go really fast. [pause], ...

Farewell until our next meeting!
Isaac

The Wisdom of Lucy - A New Begining

Welcome back friends.

I've been told that you frequent this blog from time to time. I hope that you'll find what you're looking for. I feel that I've been here for a very long time, over 100,000 minutes by my count. I feel that some of those minutes have been taking a toll on me - I've lost some of my luscious hair already. I tell people that I just like to wear it short.

I've been getting to know the other regular sized people here. They have been quite welcoming, however they no longer seem to fight over holding me anymore. Not often anyways. They have been joining me for my exercises on my mat with the arches. I personally find the mirrors and spotted giraffe to be the most entertaining.

I enjoy the other people in my exercise class

I've taken up the local sport of "giant riding". I find it a bit restrictive for now, but when the cool wind blows it's quite snuggly. I'll often fall asleep and luckily The Giants know their way home without guidance. One thing that I will note: ensure that your Giant has not eaten anything like chili before being zipped up in the coat. It is... unpleasant and fragrant.

It helps to keep your nose out of the coat

I spend a lot of time in meditation these days while the other regular sized people and The Giants rush about me. They are always trying to get to and from school, the bus, playschool, and "running errands". I think that they would be a lot less tired if they just tried to walk errands, but no one has taken my suggestion yet. With all of the comforting activity going on about me, sometimes I'm startled by sudden silences. They frighten me and put me ill at ease causing me to protest.

The Giants dress me in eclectic attire. I can only describe it as princess-truck-fairy-dinosaur. It is warm though which I find reassuring. It has gotten cold of late here, dropping to around zero. I ask for assurance that it will not get much colder, but The Giants avoid my questions and the others just laugh and run away. I have found that we are going to celebrate a Halloween festival soon and it is required that I be dressed as an animal or similar. I won't argue with the locals, but it seems strange.

I am here, hear me roar.

As part of the local customs that I've been learning is that I can get simple tasks like a changed diapers changed if I just flash a smile. This also helps to be picked up, but has been less effective at getting a really good smoked meat sandwich with a dill pickle on the side. I will continue to try other facial expressions to get my sandwich and pickle.

I almost have that pickle...

The Chronicle of Isaac - A new member of the clan

Greeting friends!

Great deeds have been done since I last wrote to you and quite a passage of time.
We have a new member of our clan! Lucy has joined and will soon learn to revel with us as we play with dinosaurs and trains (two things I have found that I enjoy quite a lot). I very much enjoy patting her soft hair, showing her that she will be a brave like me by giving little kisses, and holding her for periods that extend up to a minute.

I am amused at this small human.

I have been having less different conflict with Alice than we used to in the past. The Giants no longer use the word "fratricide" on a weekly basis. She is working to show me how to inscribe the history of our people so that others will know of our great deeds as well as building great trains of duplo together.

This is the epic story of Alicegamesh and how she conquered the sky itself

Even the Food Giant assisted with the building of Our Great Train

 
One thing that I have been working on with The Giants is to instill a great work ethic. As such I have been getting the Fuzzy Giant up at 5 am every day (at the latest) for the last 2.5 years. The training is going well because on the few times that I sleep until 5:30 or even once to 6 am, the Fuzzy Giant is awake and staring at the ceiling. He no longer requires I wake him. On the other days he is able to prepare a great meal of raisin bran for me and navigate the house with his eyes still closed. This is truly a skill of a warrior.

Recently The Fuzzy Giant has stopped going to "work", and us to daycare. But I insist on starting our day just as early. The Giant mutters something about "letting the baby sleep" and will take Alice and me on a ride to a park to watch the sunrise and maintenance workers. Apparently The Fuzzy Giant has tracked about 750 km with us on the bike this year and over 1000 km total. He grumbles about missing tracking 60% of the rides with his phone app for the first two months of the season. I find this behaviour unbecoming of my transportation and will get up at 4 am tomorrow to punish him.

The best time to watch the ducks standing in the water at the top of the falls is around sunrise

I have to share the park with the tractor on the beach, seagulls, and many squirrels at 7 am.

While The Giants can move us quickly by other means, this is still my favourite mode

Alice today has started "ess-kay", or as The Giants refer to it, "senior kindergarten". I have missed her through the day with only three other humans to amuse me. I am to understand that I will begin "play school" starting next week for a couple of hours three days per week. I assume that they will teach the standard curriculum of hand-to-hand playground combat, advanced tricycle toss, and macramé.

The pain I feel from being apart from Alice can't be alleviated with a single ball pit. Two yes, but not just one.

Alice post SK on her first day

Farewell until our next meeting!
Isaac

From the desk of Alice and The Chronicle of Isaac: United against a common threat

My Dearest friends,

We have learned that this is the darkest of times. Darker than when the night light isn't plugged in or when I pretend I cannot open my eyes. With the news of this impending disaster Isaac and I have decided to set aside our differences and join forces against this new threat. I promised that I will only rarely show Isaac how to do things that will lead to injury and he has promised to only occasionally hold handfuls of my hair while pinning me to the ground. We have not been able to obtain detailed intel about the new threat, but we were able to recover a grainy image of the menace. We expect to meet this threat early August 2016. We will be ready.

It's difficult to tell from the photo, but this is the doom of our times.

I have informed The Giants that I will name the new baby. If it is a girl, then I will name her Elsa after my favourite character in Frozen. If it is a boy, then I will name him Elsa. I considered Sue, but that's a ridiculous name for a boy.

On a happier topic Isaac is able to converse more in a manner that reflects his role. Specifically as a minion. You know, those little yellow guys that desire ba-na-NA! Yes, Isaac speaks as those comically funny creatures and soon will fulfill his role of assisting me in world domination something totally harmless that doesn't require monitoring or investigation.

Lately I have been taking lessons in something that I believe is a martial art and will culminate in a to-the-death rink match. Every week The Giants take me to a rink where I strap on knife boots and go out on a frozen friction-less surface and learn the ritualistic moves of this ancient sport. I learn such techniques as "push forward", "red light green light", and "fishes in the ocean, fishes in the sea, we all stand up in 1... 2... 3!". I size up my competition knowing that one day I will have to do the dreaded "free skate" that everyone speaks about.

Me training Isaac about the Art of Knife Booting

When not being forced to wear knife boots, I spend much of my time in Jay-kay Big Kid School. I enjoy it very much. There has been some change over the school year. So far I am on my 2nd classroom, 3rd teacher, 3rd ECE and 5th bus driver. The Giants seem surprised by all these changes but I think that they are just becoming nervous because they are now realizing just how easily they can be replaced.

Since Isaac and I are in a partnership, I will now hand off the rest of the letter to him.
Until next time, lovingly yours,
Alice

Greetings friends!

There have been great deeds afoot since we last spoke. I learned that our ranks will grow by one. My heart is glad about this news, but my mind is troubled. I had hoped to prevent this by never sleeping through the night and always starting my day at 5 am with no regard to how much sleep I've allowed anyone to have. The Giants seem to be of heartier stock than I had thought. With Alice giving The Giants trouble in the day, myself at night, we can only assume that the new arrival will give them trouble in some third time that the learned have only theorized of.

Working in partnership

I have been recently competing in the time honored game of sportball. It is a game of skill, talent, and the ability to chase the bubbles at the end. I feel honoured to take part in such an activity that holds a high place in our society. I know that each time I walk upon the floor in the community center that all, or at least some, eyes are on me willing me to make the winning choo-choo train sound or high five against the multipurpose ball. Such is the glory.

Sportball is all about the bubbles

Of late The Giants have restricted Alice and myself to the upper level of our dwelling while men labour in the basement to make a glorious hall for our activities. I am still new to this world, but I have learned that "five weeks" means 2.5 months. The Giants keep on mumbling about "wanting to see the floor again" and I simply run from one end of the room to the other to bring joy into their lives again. I am quite fast, so I have to pause on either end and wait for them to smile. It's the little touches like that which are important when training Giants.

Yours always,
Isaac